Can’t Sleep

It’s 2:47am. I can’t seem to sleep. I have far too much on my mind. 11 days ago I had back surgery. That isn’t really what’s on my mind but I figured for this to work correctly I need to write everything that comes to mind. Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about my past relationships. One in particular that has been almost a year ago. Yet I still can’t seem to “shake it”. Perhaps I do it to myself. Perhaps I just have an attachment that I don’t want to let go. Perhaps these pain meds are messing with my head. Whatever it may be it has weighed heavily on my mind. Partly because I desire a relationship. Not desperate for one so let’s get that straight. Oh and let’s get another thing straight, I’m not. Any who, I long for companionship. I just want to be able to care about someone. Have that one person whom I can go to when I’ve had a bad day, rest head on their shoulder, and immediately get the response “it’s okay, you’re home with me now, let it all go.” I mean who wouldn’t like that? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to put myself out there. I have a number of dating websites I’m a member of. Sadly I haven’t had much luck with them. And yes I have taken the time to fill things out so at least some sort of impression could be made. Wait, perhaps that’s the reason I haven’t had any luck? I suppose that I could just be unattractive in text. Or the things I wrote about myself was unattractive. However I wrote truthfully about myself, so wouldn’t that go back to the saying that if someone can’t accept you for who you are that they don’t deserve you? Perhaps. Hell what do I know? I am sleep deprived and thoughts are just rolling in my head, as if I didn’t have something better to do like sleep. I’m over thinking things right? That’s what I’m good at. Over analyzing things as usually. Hell for all I know no one will ever read this. Which I am doing this for me. My thought process is that I will be a better person if I have a place to air things out without the foreseeable repercussions. Perhaps this could be a great thing for me. After all I’m anonymous at this point. Well I think I have flowed all the thoughts I can for now. I’m tired. I want to go to sleep. It’s 04:11am now. I know what you are thinking,”why did it take so long for this person to write this?” Well I started to write this, then I had the thought of starting a WordPress site to do all this. Reason being is perhaps something to hold me accountable to writing these, haha as if I will have any followers for this. Stranger things have happened. Anyway I had to come up with a name and I did some of the basic set up for WordPress and here we are at 04:15. Also have the TV and it has distracted me for a little. Anyway I think it’s time to hit publish and go to bed. Goodnight internet.

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